You Are Not What You Do
A college graduate with honors, two degrees and an outstanding student award. This doesn’t sound like someone who would struggle to find a job, does it?
Well, that was just my case. I graduated from university in May 2020, just a couple months into the coronavirus pandemic. Obviously it was not ideal for anyone, especially someone who considered themselves successful and able to do whatever they wanted.
I was crushed by the lack of replies to job applications and resumés. What was even more crushing was all the questions I would get from family members and friends.
“What do you do all day?”
“I would go crazy with nothing to do all day.”
“How do you fill your time?”
The questions implied, at least to me, that I wasn’t doing anything. They implied I wasn’t making an effort to find a job, that I was lazy or untalented. Because I was married, unemployed and didn’t have children, I must not be trying to contribute or be productive. I must not have any purpose.
My thought life turned sour, and I slipped into a season of depression. How could I, someone who had previously been successful at most things she tried, continue to fail and be rejected by all these companies? If they didn’t want me, and wouldn’t even spend enough time to send a rejection email, maybe I really didn’t have any redeeming or worthwhile qualities or skills.
Many of my friends and I struggled to find jobs for a while, but all of my friends found jobs before I did. They actually found career-related jobs (Praise the Lord!) after working some otherwise not ideal positions, and I continued to search.
I celebrated with and for my friends! I was excited for them to finally find jobs where their skills were being utilized. At the same time, it was difficult to ignore the cruel voice in the back of my mind laughing at my inability to get a similar job. I finally found two part-time jobs (one I love but has very few hours, and the other with more hours but little intellectual challenge), but I struggled to not have a full-time job that used my skill-set and constantly challenged me to learn new things. I’d been looking for so long that I didn’t know anymore what I wanted to do or who I was.
As Alicia said in an earlier blog post, comparison costs us who we are. When we spend too much time looking at others or focusing on what we aren’t, we lose who we are. I lost myself.
Thankfully, I’m surrounded by people who walk closely with God and encourage me to do the same. They reminded me my purpose and identity are not found in a job.
Several months ago, my counselor challenged me to read Psalms 27 and 37 every night before bed. My favorite verse from these chapters says this:
“One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple” (Ps. 27:4).
That’s what I wanted — and continue to want — for my life. Despite my job situation not being what I want or envisioned, I can rest in knowing that I dwell with Christ and he with me. My purpose is to rejoice in and glorify God, and I can do that in every circumstance, situation and job.
I’m believing (or at least trying to believe) someday I will find a full-time job I really want that challenges me in new ways, but that won’t change that God has me where I am for a reason. I encourage you to meditate on that above verse, whether or not you’re currently struggling with comparison or where you are in life, because we should always be looking to and desiring to be with Christ.
God’s goodness meets us where we are, even in the moments we dislike or where we’re crying alone in our car or when we feel smallest. I pray my and your deepest desire would be to dwell in the house of the Lord in the here and now, as well as in eternity. God loves us, and he will never make us to feel small.