What I Learned from Letting Fear Make My Decisions
Have you ever made a choice you deeply regretted?
Me, too.
Interestingly, the decisions that I cringe at when I think back to them, they all have something in common. I made the choice out of fear, and not because God told me to. I made the choice because it made me look good in other’s eyes, because it gained me someone’s nod of approval or increased my status in society.
Saying, “Yes! I’ll date you,” to boyfriends that weren’t awesome because I feared I would never find another person to like me back. I feared never being married like my older siblings were.
Saying, “Yes! I’ll do that,” to aspects of my job that wreaked havoc on my mental and physical health because I feared that, if I declined, I would be jobless.
Saying, “Yes! Let’s just do what everyone else is doing,” when it came to popular political ideas among family and friends because I feared not being accepted or liked. I feared not pleasing people. I feared being different than loved ones, of making them mad at or think ill of me.
Guess what else was common between all those fear-based decisions. The results of making said decisions. They all had bad outcomes, ending in big time tears, heartache, regret and so much more.
I’ve learned now to only seek God, and not my emotions, on decisions. So, I go to the Word, a wonderful place to seek Him.
I pray, “Give me a Rhema word on this subject.” Rhema means God’s Word spoken to you. It’s when you read the Bible and something jumps off the page. It feels like the word, verse or passage is alive and screaming at you about your situation. Both the Logas and Rhema form of the Bible are God’s Word. It’s just that the Rehema feels like when you read it, God is speaking to you directly to a specific situation.
I can’t remember who said this quote (and I tried unsuccessfully Googling to find out), but one man in the ministry once said, “The Logas Word is like uncooked rice. It’s still food, but the Rhema Word is like cooked rice, making it easier to digest.”
When I need direction, I pray once, “Father, can you help me to know what to choose?” From then on, when the circumstance comes to mind, I don’t ask again but thank him. “Thank you for wisdom! I know what to do!”
Romans 4:17 gives us some wonky instructions: “Call things that are not as if they were.” I put that verse into action by thanking God like I already have the wisdom, even if in the natural I still don’t know what to do. That’s what Abraham did; he started going by the name “Father of Many Nations” well before he even had one kid, let alone a nation!
“What a nutjob!” I’m sure some people thought when he reached out his hand, introducing himself to them by name. “He calls himself that? When he is fatherless? Weeeeiiirrrddd.”
But when I pull a Romans 4:17, it actually helps me be at peace in the waiting. When I declare thanksgiving for timely wisdom (even before I have it), it produces faith and trust in God to provide. And, faith is sure good at kickin’ fear in the bum!
And, I refuse to be rushed now. I stay in neutral (not choosing) until I feel God’s peace and joy come over me, leading me. You will often hear me declaring around the house, “I refuse to fear!”
There is such power in what we declare with our words — there are so many Bible verses that speak on that subject. I also listen to worship songs about God providing all we need, that He isn’t late and won’t fail us. You can declare things by song, too! It’s just declarations put to music. The same power is held in that kind of spoken word.
As I wait for instruction, I tell myself Bible based things like:
God’s timing is perfect and flawless. (2 Samuel 22:31)
God hasn’t let you down, and he won’t now.
I am a child of God. Therefore I am led by Him. (Romans 8:14)
His sheep know his voice. (John 10:27)
I will hear a voice telling me which way to walk in. (Isaiah 30:21)
He is Jehovah Jireh, my provider, including providence of wisdom.
He promises never to forsake me, even in decision making. (Deuteronomy 31:6)
Friends, do you need some life direction right now? Do you need God to show you what to do? There are a lot of opinions out there right now, trying to persuade you to do as they do.
Don’t let shame, fear or peer pressure make your decisions.
If you seek the Lord on matters and you feel his peace leading you to do something, do it.
If you seek the Lord on matters and you feel is peace leading you to not do something, don’t do it.
Turn off the news. Stop scrolling through Facebook.
Pull out your Bible. Climb into your prayer closet or wherever you can focus and hear from God best.
Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what you and your family should specifically do. Wait until clear direction comes. Stay in neutral gear (not choosing) until you are given instructions.
It’s okay if what He says to do is unpopular in your circles. Lose friends. Lose a job even. Doing what God directs is always the right thing to do. I know people who are being shamed by loved ones for medical decisions right now, as well as people who are being shamed by loved ones for not making those same medical decisions.
There are so many contradicting messages out there in every aspect of life. Who can you trust? What is the truth? John 16:12 tells us, "But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth" [emphasis added].
You need to go to God. He knows all angles and aspects of everything. So, go to him for wisdom. Seek His direction through fasting, prayer and time in the Word.
When you tell your grandkids about this period in your life and history, and they ask wide eyed, “So, what did you do?!” make sure your answer can be, “I did as the Lord directed me.”
If you’d like to read more of my devotional-style work, you can follow along for the ride @nutritionwithnyla on Instagram. God has given me a passion for his Word, and you’ll find lots of devotional style content on my IG! Hope to see you there!