Dear Younger Me: A letter to my 20-year-old college self from 30-year-old me
Hindsight is 20/20, right?
When I Googled "hindsight definition," this is what came up: understanding of a situation or event only after it has happened or developed.
If I could go back and have a little chat with college me, I definitely would. If I could also pack in my time-traveling backpack my hindsight gained from the last decade, that would be, as the Lego Movie sings, AWESOME! I would tell myself:
1. You don't have to go to every church event to meet “Mr.Right.”
Guys, I was so concerned about missing the one opportunity I thought I had to cross paths with my future husband. So, I attended all the things, exhausting myself. Then, somehow I realized, "Wait, if God wants us to be together, couldn't he just arrange another crossing of paths, even if I don't go to this one event?" Yes. God is good at scheduling our lives and getting us to our divine appointments! Ironically, I did meet my husband at a church event, but by then I wasn't concerned if I didn't go to all single or young adult events offered. I knew I'd meet him eventually… and I did!
2. It's okay to take more than four years to earn your degree.
Originally, I thought I wanted to become a dietitian. I was fascinated with nutrition, but once I got to college I was so overwhelmed with the way my life completely changed overnight and couldn't keep up with my classes. I didn't live at home anymore, I had to cook and clean for myself, I had to acclimate to a new (and way tougher) grading system at school, I had to learn how to take a busy bus to school, and every time I sat down at school it was beside a new person since the classes were so large. It’s hard to make friends that way. It was just plain HARD.
I can remember many nights crying and calling my mom, sobbing to her that I wanted to quit and come home. I grew up in a town two hours away from the city my college was in.
Looking back, I wish I would have had someone put their arm around me and say, "Hey. It feels hard because it is hard! It feels like a lot because a lot did change." I wish someone would have given me the advice of taking fewer classes. Dropping out or cramming in order to finish my degree in four years were not the only two options.
I couldn't handle it anymore, so I eventually dropped out and entered a different two-year nutrition program at a smaller school in the city. I love working from home now and running my own two businesses, so I'm not sad about not being a dietitian. However, I do think it would have been helpful to hear that I could take as long as I needed to finish my schooling. Remember, whatever timeline works for you is okay!
3. Invest in deep friendships now.
Like I mentioned above, it was tricky to get to know people at school due to the large, auditorium-style classrooms. But, at church, young adult events, or Bible studies? It was much easier! I did attend those things, and I do still have close friends from then, but many of those people didn't move past acquaintance relationships. I'm an introvert and totally okay with having fewer friendships, but making the ones I do have very meaningful and close is important to me. I wish I had taken more time to transform some of those acquaintance relationships into deeper, more intimate friendships, before life became busier as adulthood approached. You know, marriage, kids, careers… more responsibilities can make it difficult to cultivate deeper friendships, let alone find time to "date" new friends! It takes time and a lot of intentionality, so take advantage of the time you have while you’re in this phase of life.
4. Get all the pets you want (and can feasibly care for) before you are married.
Let's end on a fun one, shall we? I tell all my single friends now, "Get all the cats, dogs, snakes, hamsters or birds you want now before you have to consult someone else and see if they also want one!"
If you already have a pet, it's kind of a package deal. It’s unlikely a great guy is going to say, "I love you, but your cat has to go." It might annoy him, but he'll likely see that it brings you joy and was there before he was, so it's just going to stay with you both. (Allergies aside, though, because that's a different story!)
When I got the hankering (Can you use that word for non-food cravings? Not sure!) for pets, I was already three years into marriage. It took a lot of begging — not my finest moment, and I should have approached it differently — and prayer for the Lord to open my husband's eyes to the joy a pet could bring to our lives, and we did eventually get a cat! I tell Quincey (our black cat with green eyes), "You are a miracle! Mark said we would never get a cat, but here you are!" Moral of the story? God’s timeline for our lives is perfect, but that doesn’t mean we always get insight into the future. You never know when you’ll meet your spouse or get married, so get the pet while you’re still single and it's only you that has to want one!
Thanks for taking the time to read what was on my heart to share with you. There are a ton of blogs on the internet, so it's an honor you would spend some of your day reading this!
If you'd like to connect on the good ol' GRAM, you can find me under the handle @nutritionwithnyla. As mentioned earlier, I run two businesses (biblical body image improvement coaching, as well as virtual assistant services for Christian business), and you can learn more about that on my social media. See you over on IG, friends!