The Art of Hosting & Gathering
A book I read during my college ministry days called The Gospel-Centered Community by Robert Thune and Will Walker reads, “No matter how you’re wired— introvert, extrovert, socially adept or socially awkward— something in your soul longs for meaningful relationships with other humans. We long to know others and be known by them.” Connection is something we all desire from life. A solid crew or group of friends where you are free to be completely yourself is rooted in each one of us. Why? Because God designed us that way. Even he is not alone; he has the Trinity for his community. Since He formed us in His image, we also crave closeness with others.
This is all well and good, but how does this apply to our lives and the concept of hosting and gathering as actual human beings?
While the interior designer in me loves a color-coordinated dinner table filled with neatly folded napkins, shiny silverware, and fresh-cut flowers, that’s not where we are headed today. I want you to try and erase all the Pinterest boards you have in your mind and consider what the heart of gathering truly means. Honestly, I love the details and this can be a challenge for me, but moving past the decor opens your mind to all that the gathering has the potential to be.
As Dictionary.com states, to gather means “to bring together or assemble from various places, sources, or people.” I like that, especially the bring together part. It’s an honor to gather groups together and create an environment that is warm, inviting, and impactful. This should relieve any stress or pressures we put on ourselves when it comes to inviting people into our space because it really isn’t about how much or how little space we have.
Speaking of our space…I recognize it can be uncomfortable opening up your home to those you might not know very well. It takes vulnerability and just pure willingness to accept that it won’t be perfect. Perfection is not what we are striving for in a gathering. Remember, it’s about connection. My advice is to own the cards you’ve been dealt. Don’t not open your home up to others because you want to wait until your living room is just right or your kitchen has brand new appliances. Worry less about the physical space or things that fill it and be more concerned with who fills the space and how they will be engaged with one another.
In the book, The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker, she talks about how we tend to only think about the “stuff” of gathering rather than the people or the gathering itself. It’s easier to control the invitations, choice of music, or logistical details, but those aren’t the things that will sincerely connect people. Instead, think about how you can create conversation throughout the occasion or how you can introduce like-minded friends to each other. This will cultivate community more than just a date people put on their calendars.
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” These are wise words from Maya Angelou. While people may remember the conversations of the night or the yummy hors d'oeuvres you serve, it’s more likely they will remember how you made them feel, how you welcomed them in, and how you included them throughout the evening.
I think back to dinner parties or get-togethers I’ve attended and yes, at times, I do remember the conversation if it was significantly thrilling. More than that, though, I remember in college when the stay-at-home mom would invite a group of girls over for lunch, even though her kids were running around and not being perfect angels. We’d fold laundry, do dishes, and just simply chat. Or the time our neighbors had their extended family over and included us in their backyard party. In both situations, they gave their time, made us feel like family, and invited us into their real lives. No frills or fanfare, just their warm presence.
Let’s next talk a bit about how you can prepare yourself for future gatherings.
Any tip to take the stress out of planning a gathering is a great tip, right? If a gathering includes an entire meal with sides and desserts, allow others to pitch in. If your strength is people, then ask the guests to bring a side to share. If your superpower is creating delicious flavor combinations and delightful appetizers, then ask friends to bring their favorite boardgame or yard game to play. Especially when the weather is nice, it seems like spontaneous dinners are much more common. These gatherings are really fun, but I never like to come empty-handed, even if that means boxed brownies or some sparkling water with fresh lemons and limes. A practical way to avoid this is to find a few go-to recipes that you can easily whip up and bring along. Keep the ingredients on hand so you don’t have to make a special trip to the grocery store.
Supplement your God-given gifts, instead of throwing in the hosting towel altogether. We all were equipped with specific, unique abilities that are to be used to bring God glory and connect with His people. I believe God will be pleased with you for genuinely loving on His people over trying to perfect a macaroon recipe. I love the passage in 1 Peter 4:8-11 that says, “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
One last logistical note on creating your guest list. When you are considering who to invite, I encourage you to think outside the box. It is easy to stick to the same group of friends, which is totally okay for casual hangouts. If you are trying to engage with others in your community, neighborhood, or church, push yourself outside your comfort zone. Think about those who may not always make the list. These could be widows, unmarried singles, single parents, or larger families. We like to have a dinner party at least once a month and invite new faces to the table. We have an on-going list where we add the names of those we want to invite to our future dinners. As Paul says in Romans, “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.” (Romans 12:16)
I hope this has given you the courage to look at your next gathering differently. Remember, it’s not about the fancy flatware, complicated menu, or spot-on playlist. It’s about pushing yourself to create an inviting space where others can connect, come together, and enjoy one another’s company. A space where those gathered have the boldness to share more than just surface level tid-bits. A space where you and your guests leave feeling full, both physically and socially, rather than drained and disheartened. Moreover, a space where love abounds, words are lovely, and hospitality is felt by all.
Who’s been an example of hospitality in your life and what did they do that you admire?
xoxo,
Paulina
