Seasonal Depression and What It Doesn’t Say About You
For as long as I can remember, I have dreaded the coming of cooler months. Cloudy skies mask a hidden sun, the drop in temperature places a chill in the air, and lesser interactions with people bring conflicting feelings to the surface. Most days I look forward to the changing of the season — the weather, hot coffee in my hand, watching Harry Potter every weekend, and daydreaming of the leaves that fall in my backyard. Then suddenly, what began as just a few dreary days now span over many months and cause all days to mold into dreariness.
Seasonal depression sometimes eases in so quickly that you don’t realize it’s there. What often begins as a mild feeling of sadness can eventually become an ever-present depressed part of yourself. For me, seasonal depression leaves me feeling disheartened, depressed and moody all day. I sleep much more, and yet I’m typically more exhausted throughout each day. It seems my anxiety spikes in this time, and many things seem out of control. Though I am an extrovert, I crave nothing more than to just avoid all social interactions, even with my closest friends.
I have always struggled with taking hold of my mental health journey and claiming it as my own. For a long time, I didn’t understand there was nothing wrong with me for struggling the way I do. Atop struggling with seasonal depression, also medically known as SAD (how fitting, right?), I recently was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Talk about a shock to my mental health journey! Upon researching seasonal depression, I discovered that bipolar disorder exaggerates the effects of seasonal depression. As we drift into October and November, I dread the things I’m aware that I may experience in this season.
Battling with my mind is not something foreign to me, and in this battle I most often doubt these things:
my inherent worth as a chosen daughter of God
my desirability by friends
my ability to succeed
my personality and mind as significant and sufficient
However, I am learning more and more each season that my seasonal depression (and my struggle with bipolar disorder) does not have a say about my worth, my desirability or my success. All throughout Scripture, Christ is foreshadowed and proclaimed as our suffering Savior. In Hebrews 4:15 it says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses…”
Because Christ is our High Priest, he has the authority to say what he does in Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Christ pursues us when we have burdens, no matter how immeasurable they may be. He does not ask us to get rid of them first or to make our burdens lighter in our own strength. In Dane Ortlund’s book, Gentle and Lowly, he writes, “We cannot present a reason for Christ to finally close off his heart to his own sheep. No such reason exists. Every human friend has a limit. If we offend enough, if a relationship gets damaged enough, if we betray enough times, we are cast out. The walls go up. With Christ, our sins and weaknesses are the very resumé items that qualify us to approach him.”
So, practically, what does it look like to fight seasonal depression? Here are a few coping mechanisms that have been helpful for me:
Get out in the sunlight as much as possible. Even if you take a 30-minute walk around your neighborhood in the day, you will likely notice a big difference in your overall mood.
Take Vitamin D supplements, if you feel comfortable. As always, consult a medical professional first. Throughout the winter, I am stocked up on Vitamin D because the sun, as aforementioned, does not show its face often in the wintertime.
Find a hobby. In the winter, I read a lot. I decorate my home, and I make a habit of journaling how I’m feeling. Maybe starting to rock climb at a gym with friends, or picking up pottery as a hobby is a good place to start.
I have always found that schedules help me a ton when I am experiencing the effects of SAD. If my schedule allows me to lay in bed all day, I am more likely to have a hard day versus when I stick to a schedule. I feel more purposeful with my actions and my mood is generally improved.
Let your friends in on what you’re going through. Loneliness is a greater burden to carry when you are attempting to fight it alone.
Consider seeing a counselor for the season, even if you have never spoken with one before. There are so many counseling centers willing to work with you when it comes to finances, if that is something you are worried about. Also, many churches offer free counseling services as another option. We oversee our own mental health journeys, and we must weigh the cost of what we prioritize to get us through this life.
Here are a few truths I feel convicted to share with you:
You are not a burden, no matter what people might have told you.
Your Savior meets you exactly where you are, and you can find rest in him in every season.
Remember that your struggle with seasonal depression does not last forever. In the wise words of Annie, “The sun’ll come out tomorrow.” I promise you that it will.
Consider what God may be teaching you amidst your struggle and press into how he may be leading you to help others who are experiencing the same things.
With all my love, Kinsley