Finding Hope in Heartache: an Interview with Kelly Nickel
KELLY NICKEL: mother of four, entrepreneur, fitness coach
This month I had the privilege of interviewing my incredible mama! She has a powerful testimony and has been through so much, which through her faith has only made her stronger. She shares about grief, trauma, and how to find joy in painful seasons of life! This interview is also full of deep, insightful wisdom for young women in their 20’s to learn from one who has come before us. We hope you enjoy this great conversation!
Q: What has been a major lesson you’ve been learning in this season of your life (about God, life, yourself, etc.)?
A: Goodness… God has been teaching me lessons on all things “patience, process, and trust.” Just like nature has four seasons, I like to look at life as having four emotional seasons:
Winter - sadness, death, despair, trauma
Spring - growth, life, birth, newness
Summer - happiness, life (again), joy/cheer
Autumn - age, rebirth, change, wisdom
God has had me in a season of winter for a number of years, and he has been teaching me to patiently process the pain and to trust him. He gives the strength to endure, process, and ultimately trust him even when we don’t understand this dead, dark, and unwieldy season. He is faithful to grow us into who he wants us to be if we are willing to process the season we’re in. The good news right now personally is that after being in a very long winter season, I’m feeling more and more like spring is just around the bend! I’m sensing it, and I’m so looking forward to all that blooms! God is good!
Q: What helps you make it through the day in difficult, challenging, or depressing times?
A: As I’ve been in this winter season, I’ve found a richer bond with God which helps me get through even the most lonely of times! You know how it is when you have a close companion, friend, or partner who you just HAVE to talk to all the time because you just have such a great relationship with them, and can’t wait till the next time you can chat? Well… that’s what I’ve found in this season of my life — I’ve found that I wanna chat with my God all the time. So instead of my prayer time or Bible reading being a “chore” that it sometimes used to be, or something that I need to cross off of my list, I find that I’m anticipating the next time I can talk with God! I’m excited to see what I hear from him in his Word!
And even in my darkest most challenging or depressing moments, I find my time with God to be just what I need to make it through. God has had me in a VERY lonely season, and yet my relationship with him is that much richer, and I find he will listen to all of my mind’s chaotic musings! I weep deeply and cry out in pain to him some days, and other days I am praising him for everything that comes to mind. Some days I’m in such a funk, so foggy and scattered in my brain that I just say, “Jesus, you hear the groans of my heart! Please hear me even when I don’t have the words to cry out to you.” I feel comforted knowing he hears even my heart-cries when there are no words!
Q: What have you learned recently about health (spiritual, emotional, or physical) — and how do you prioritize taking care of yourself?
A: I have learned that just like seasons in nature, and just like seasons in our emotions, there are also seasons in our health journeys. I have had many years as a health, wellness, and fitness coach where I’ve been in good seasons of growth, of exciting PRs or breakthroughs. I have had long seasons where I drove myself toward physical strength and excellence. But recently? Recently, in this winter season, I have found that my health journey has been very different. I have struggled. I have learned that sometimes doing all the burpees and push-ups is not the healthiest thing in this season I’m in.
I have always been hard on myself, and God has used this season of bitter cold wilderness to teach me how to be gentle on myself… to not be so hard on myself… to rest instead of run… to prioritize sleep over a workout… to just feed myself SOMETHING when I hardly have an appetite and to be content with that — especially when my past healthy self would have said, “Did you eat all your grams of protein, and all your macros exactly as you should today?”
I have learned recently that my own personal health journey includes all the seasons, and that’s a good thing, because I can learn and grow how God wants me to in each season. I learn differently in the winter than I do in the spring, or the summer season versus the fall. Winter has been a time of learning how to be gentle with myself. I know spring is coming for me in my health journey, and I’m looking forward to that… but I’m finding contentment in this season too because I am learning patience and contentment in the softer sides of me that God is wanting to shape and mold.
Q: What is bringing you joy, energy, or inspiration during this time of quarantine? Any specific things you want to share (music, podcasts, books, etc.)?
A: Hmmm… yeah, this quarantine has been interesting, hasn’t it? Honestly for me, since I have been in such a deep time of winter for a while, I’d first of all say that I’m thankful I actually AM finding any joy, energy, or inspiration! I went through a deep and lonely place where I’d honestly feel challenged to get out of the fetal position. That was a dark time. And while I’m not fully out of that yet, I am in a much different place… I’m kind of at the end of winter, so to speak. So I am finding that I’m enjoying more things during quarantine that I had lost in my darkest moments.
I’m finding more time to focus on family even more, and I love that… family is everything to me! I’m also finding that I am giving myself more time to ease myself into that spring season of life by giving myself freedom to work out again, and that brings me joy. I find that working my job from home makes me feel less guilty because I’m not taking away as much time from my family.
I’m also enjoying music again. I was in a space where I was so crushed for a long time that even listening to music brought me too much pain. But music is bringing me joy and inspiration again, and I’m so grateful for that! Worship music is my jam… and I especially like the calm and deeply heart-felt ones… where I can be quiet, introspective, and focused on my God and the life I want to live, or simply who he is. I’m getting a lot of joy out of Hillsong United and Elevation Worship… This week I’ve been living at ‘Forever Amen Radio’ on Spotify!
And because of this season God has me in, I love reading other stories of women who’ve faced traumas and grief, and who have endured unimaginable physical and emotional pain, yet have clung to God’s healing process (which still means going through the hard stuff). I relate deeply to these stories. Currently I’m reading a book called ‘Born to Shine’ by Ashley LeMieux. I’ve loved following her powerful story of faith on social media, so I turned to her book to get the full picture of her faith journey!
Q: If you could go back and give some advice to yourself when you were in your twenties, what would you say? (Or, what is some wisdom you want to share with other young women?)
A: Goodness… aren’t I still IN my twenties? The great Olympian, Dara Torres, says that age is just a number, and I relate to that kind of thinking! But, since my birth date indicates I am not in my twenties anymore, I guess I would tell younger women to always be your own advocate! Don’t let anyone else tell you, “You’re fine,” or “It’s all in your head,” or “You can’t do that because…” Fight for your own life excellence! If you struggle with a health issue and can’t seem to find answers, and all the medical tests say nothing is wrong with you, don’t give up! Pursue other avenues (maybe holistically) that may take you on a better journey toward health. Listen to your body and research and seek out help in other ways.
Because one thing I can say is that your health WILL seriously define how your existence on this earth plays out. I have talked to women 15-20 years younger than me who complain about how old they are, or how bad they feel, or how weak they are, and I’d say just don’t let society or other people determine your health, physically or mentally! If you struggle emotionally, or have had trauma in your life, go to a qualified counselor! Get that mental and physical help early on so that you can live your best years here on earth! Our bodies and minds are intended to work well, but if we don’t fight for that, they’ll give up and we’ll end up not living well on this beautiful earth… we’ll just be existing. Our spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical health all work in synergy to formulate the entire person God intended us to be.
So, I guess in a nutshell I’d say, don’t use your youth against you. What do I mean by that? Well, many young women I’ve talked to have acted like they don’t need to do anything now since they’re young and feel fine. “I’ll start thinking about healthy food and exercise when I’m older and actually need it!” That’s a myth… your body and mind NEED it even when you’re young. And, if you don’t develop habits in your youth, it’ll be that much harder to even start when you’re older!
I know women who developed bad habits in their twenties — neglecting exercise, eating whatever they want, not practicing self-discipline and self-control — and they suddenly find themselves in their 30’s and 40’s with a battle on their hands! Physically, they’re struggling or sick and they can’t bring themselves to be motivated enough even to get started! Or spiritually they’ve not developed a habit of daily quiet time with God, building a relationship with their Creator! Or emotionally, they’ve shoved down deep hurts and haven’t dealt with them. So… I say start your health habits in your 20’s.
Motivation doesn’t get easier as you age, so don’t think that whenever you’re 35 or 40 and “need to start taking care of yourself” that you’ll suddenly have “magic motivation!” It’s not gonna happen! So… start now… develop habits in your 20’s so that when you’re older you’ll have those habits set in place — and you’ll actually FEEL like you’re in your 20’s when you’re in your 40’s! And you’ll be better equipped to face and handle things that get thrown your way… you’ll adapt and be ready to find the solutions to whatever hardship you’re facing physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, and you’ll be determined to figure it out!
Thanks so much for reading! What spoke to you personally, or what are you taking away from this interview? Share your thoughts in the comments and let’s connect!
xo,
Kailyn
