How to Cultivate Presence This Holiday Season
No, that wasn’t a typo. While talking about presents around the holidays is something that might be more expected, today we are going to talk about how to cultivate presence as we head into the holiday season.
For many of us, the holidays can bring mixed emotions. We may feel joyful about seeing family, but stressed about the financial cost of buying a flight to see them. Maybe the thought of gathering with your family makes you feel nervous, but you feel pressured to do so anyway. Some people love the excitement of attending tons of parties and spending time with people, while others want nothing more than to tuck away in their house and simply cozy up with a warm drink and a good book (or movie!).
The truth is, no matter how you like to spend the holidays, there is an important question for us all to consider.
How can I allow myself to be present and make the most of this time, rather than getting swept up in the busyness and pressure of it all?
You might feel like it’s a bit early to be thinking about all of this, but I believe that if you want to deeply enjoy this time of year, it’s important to think about how you want to spend it before you’re in the midst of it. It can be hard to actually spend the holidays in a way that you feel aligns with your values, so it’s helpful to outline what you need to do to honor yourself in this season.
To help you do that, I want to suggest three things to think about, so that you can make the most of this time of year!
Pressure
As I alluded to above, there are many different ways to engage in the holiday season. The problem is, many of us head into this time carrying an enormous amount of pressure — Pressure to have a perfectly decorated house. Pressure to buy thoughtful and original gifts for every human we’ve come in contact with in the past 7 years. Pressure to not only attend all the parties we are invited to but to also host one of our own. Pressure to accommodate our parents and/or children. Pressure to be in a constant state of joy, gratitude and excitement.
I want to propose to you something that may sound crazy. Are you willing to stick with me?
What if you just let all of the pressure go?
The reality is this - Christmas is meant to be a time to recognize and celebrate the birth of Christ. Everything else is just a bonus! Remember that next time you’re feeling pressured to take on more than you can handle or feel like you’re letting yourself or others down.
Now I’m not suggesting you hide away in your house and ignore the holidays altogether - though if that is what you need to do, then by all means go for it - but I encourage you to consider that there might be a way for you to enjoy this time without overwhelm. In order to do that, I invite you to give yourself permission to show up honestly and only commit to things that allow you to honor your boundaries and needs.
If you know that in the past you have drained your social battery by saying yes to too many invites, then give yourself permission to only say yes to the ones that are the most important or exciting for you.
If financially you don’t feel comfortable buying gifts for everyone around you, then give yourself permission to do something different! You can write them a thoughtful note, bake them cookies, or do literally anything else that sounds good to you. (And, sometimes, it’s ok to not get someone a gift at all. Blasphemy, I know.)
While I am not a parent, I can imagine that for those of you who are, you can feel an immense pressure to make sure your kids have the perfect Christmas. I would encourage you to consider ways you can communicate to your children the true meaning of this time and to create a memorable and special approach that won’t make you feel like you’re losing your sanity.
There are a million things that we can feel pressured to do or feel during this time. So as we head into this season, pay attention to when you are feeling pressured to show up in a certain way, and simply ask yourself, “Do I have to listen to this pressure, or can I give myself permission to choose differently?”
Pretending
For some people, the holidays are the hardest time of year. Whether you’re missing a loved one, grieving the fact that your life or relationships might not be what you hoped for, or you simply hate the cold (that would be me), the holidays simply might not the best time of year. While this is true for many people, I believe there is a pressure to feel cheery and bright during this season, and that if we don’t feel that way, we have to pretend that we do.
I believe one way we can enjoy this season to the fullest extent is to be ok with choosing to honor how we feel, rather than pretending to feel something we don’t. The pressure to put on a show can be crippling and might tempt us to withdraw and isolate because we can’t handle the thought of faking our way through on more interaction.
While each of us carries responsibility for how we choose to show up, we can practice kindness toward one another by creating space for those around us to show up authentically. This year I am committing to being more honest about how I’m feeling, and to also helping the people around me feel safe to do the same. This can be as simple as answering honestly when someone asks how you’re doing, or reaching out to a friend who you know might be struggling.
One of the best parts of the holidays is that it is a time that should foster connection with friends and family, especially those that we might not see that often. If we are showing up in a way that is forced or inauthentic, then we are robbing ourselves and those around us of the chance to connect more deeply. Instead, let’s commit to choosing honesty and connection, over fake smiles and “everything is fine”s.
Priorities
Now that we’ve given ourselves permission to release the pressure and stop pretending, let’s take some time to discuss what we DO want to do during the holidays.
I believe this starts with getting clear on our priorities, and then figuring out how we can honor them. Don’t worry! This doesn’t have to be a complex process. Below I’ve outlined an easy 3-step process that will help you figure out youpriorities during the holidays. I’ve included my own example as well!
Block out some time to sit alone, or with your family, and consider what you want to prioritize this year. Remember that you aren’t giving in to the pressure to do it all, so try to keep this list short - maybe just three items. Some of your priorities might include: creating a fun, new memory as a family, making time to see friends or family who live far away, finding the perfect gifts for your closest friends, making time to serve others, supporting your church during their busiest time, etc. There is no right or wrong answer!
This year my priorities are:
To decorate my house and make it feel like a cozy and fun place to be as the weather gets colder.
Finding ways to intentionally volunteer in our community.
Creating new traditions with my husband.
List out these priorities on a sheet of paper, and then determine 1-3 things you can do to make sure you honor that priority.
Decorate my house:
I will research how I can decorate in a way that is eco-friendly and makes good use of what I already have.
We will pick out a tree and plan a fun night to decorate together.
Find ways to serve:
Find out what service opportunities are available through our church.
See if we can find a way to cook food for the homeless in our area.
Create new traditions:
Talk about what traditions we value from the past and see how we can put our own spin on those.
Get clear on what we want to do and be intentional about following through!
Revisit this list and use it to help keep you on track when you find yourself feeling busy, overwhelmed, or like you’ve lost focus of what matters most during this time.
I hope these three steps will help you discover ways to deeply enjoy this season! I know that for me there is room to grow in each category and that I’m excited to find ways to be more intentional during this time. I’d love to hear which concept above feels the most helpful to you — you can share in the comments below!