Patience: An invitation to trust God

“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning, more than the watchmen for the morning. O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption. And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities.” Psalm 130:5-8

One book - outside of the Bible - has changed my life and met me in some of the deepest valleys I’ve walked through. Hinds’ Feet on High Places is an allegory of Habakkuk 3 that has been a great comfort to me in many seasons of my life. The book is based on Habakkuk 3:17-19:

“Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places. To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments.”

Towards the end of the book, the main character, Much Afraid, has learned so much on her journey with the Shepherd (Christ). She has walked through valleys and climbed mountaintops by his side.

The book says, “Suddenly she understood. She was beholding a wondrous and glorious truth; ‘a great multitude whom no man could number’ brought like herself by the King to the Kingdom of Love and to the High Places so that they could now pour out their lives in gladdest abandonment, leaping down with him to the sorrowful, desolate places below, to share with others the life which they had received. She herself was only one drop among that glad, exultant throng of Self-givers, the followers of the King of Love, united with him and with one another, each one equally blessed and beloved as herself” (p. 253).

The book of Habakkuk is the narrative of Israel’s disobedience and Habakkuk’s vision from the Lord about their destruction by the Babylonians as a result of their disobedience. It’s a story of God’s faithfulness to his people even though they have disobeyed, and it’s also about Habakkuk choosing to trust the Lord even as he follows the God of Israel who may choose to not rescue his people from the destruction brought on by their sin.

How many times have we had to believe God for his promises, instead of listening to our feelings and the lies that tell us we’re not able to keep trusting the Lord? Are we comfortable with the reality that our lives may fall apart so that our trust and faith in God will grow, and by trusting and having faith in him, that we may see him more fully?

Job 42:5 says, “'I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you.”

The richness of walking with Christ comes from experiencing his deep love and mercy in both the valleys and the mountaintops of life.

I moved in August last year to a new city, started a new job with a new team, and moved in with two new roommates, all after a guy I was seeing decided it would be best if we didn’t date. This year, I’ve started counseling again and changed medicines to help my brain process some of the things that have been going on. I have gone through freshman year of college all over again as I lead college freshmen women in Bible study through my job in college ministry. The days have felt long, but the year has felt short.

Sanctification - the process of throwing off our sin and clinging to Christ more fully - is a lifelong process that can be exhausting and frustrating in some ways. Some of my deepest-rooted insecurities have come up and out this year, and to say that I have handled them graciously would be a lie.

More than ever before, I have become aware of how my sin wounds other people, and many nights I have laid in bed completely defeated and frustrated with myself, situations in my life and the brokenness of the world around me. Yet, the Lord asks me to wait on him and trust him.

As I lean in to hear his voice, he reminds me there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8). He whispers that he is with me even in the suffering - whether caused by my own sin or by the world marred by sin. And, day by day as I grow in the knowledge of him, I see more of how he’s changing me to look more like him; he’s making me fit for a heavenly kingdom where I will one day reign with him.

My roommate, Elizabeth, said to me recently that one of the coolest things about living and working with me is that she’s seen me grow so much since we first moved in together. When I think of the individual days, I don’t feel like I’m growing. Yet, when I look back on the last nine months and see how I have changed, I am amazed at what God has done in my life.

illustration by @toyoufromsteph

“Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand... Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.” James 5:7-8, 11

I often wonder how much enjoyment of the sanctification process we miss simply because we don’t want to wait on the Lord. When we only want to act, we miss an invitation to trust the Lord in circumstances that we simply can’t see our way out of. I also wonder if we miss out on the mercy of the Lord that’s given to us moment by moment as we trust in him. The Lord meets us in our waiting, in our hurting circumstances, in the moments that feel like they’re going to last forever in our pain and hurt and longing.

Where is he inviting you to trust him in the waiting? Where can you choose to push aside the lies that tell you that he isn’t good because of how you feel in the times of waiting?

P.S. - A book I’ve been reading recently that is helping me process some of these thoughts about waiting and lamenting is called Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament by Mark Vroegop. It journeys through the Psalms and Lamentations and has been a refreshing read as this school year of ministry and life comes to a close.